- "You certainly have a way with words. A long, long way."
- "You seem to be attempting a very delicate approach to the assignment--so delicate, in fact, that you fail to touch on it at all."
- "Every one of the words in this sentence is utterly devoid of meaning."
- "I can't help feeling that you treat the ideas in your paper much as a black hole treats its neighboring star systems: forcefully and vigorously synthesizing them, you condense them beyond recognition, leading to utter destruction and chaos."
- "like the broad swift stream / a thesaurus will go far / but yields no great depth."
- "This paper isn't even bulls*&t. Bulls*&t has substance. This is diarrhea."
- "I find your rhetorical strategy in this expository to be similar to that of a rhinoceros in extracting a tooth: large, blunt, and wholly ineffective."
- "This entire page says exactly NOTHING."
- "Every teacher wishes she could read a paper like this one. It makes the rest of her life so much brighter by contrast."
- "As I was reading, I felt that you were trying to include in your paper every type of fallacy possible. If so, you only missed one."
- "The level of disorganization in your paper suggests that your true topic must be chaos theory, not, as your title implied, Wordsworth."
- "the wind speaks all day / yet with only empty breath: / you have no thesis"
- "I'm not sure even you believe this sentence."
Things You Wish You Could Write On Students' Papers
Here's a pretty good list of things I wish I could write on some students' papers, from Sapience Speaks. #6, while harsh even for this list, is my favorite. Feel free to add your own in the comments.